The waiting game:
Limbo and terminal illness
by Deb Sims , MS,RNCS,LCSW
|
There is a period of time of waiting that always happens when someone is about to be diagnosed
or waiting the results of a test or the outcome of an intervention.
We call this being in a state of limbo. You suspect something is wrong but
you don't have any answers. You're just waiting. You are wondering is this a gain or is this a loss and how bad?
The feeling of being in limbo is itself a loss.
You have no control at that time. For some people the feeling of not knowing is the worse torture of all. During this period
nothing can be done. You can't start grieving. You can't start treatment. You can't work on preparing for the
future because you have no direction to go in.
What are the signs of being in a limbo
state?
- Feeling helpless, fearful, worrying all the time, empty, irritable, angry, restless, pessimistic, sometimes hopeless and guilty
-
Experiencing a loss of concentration, interest, motivation and fatigue Changes in appetite, sleep patterns or sexual drive
Aren't these also signs of depression?
Yes. The difference is the degree of incapacitation and the length of time. With limbo,
eventually an answer will come. Then a direction can be chosen to go in. Movement or action eases the symptoms
because something at least is being done.
If these symptoms last beyond two weeks and are incapacitating to the point that they interfere
with daily functioning, it is time to suspect Clinical Depression. This is especially true if suicidal feelings are present
also. Then it is time to talk with a professional (a therapist or physician) about getting help for the symptoms. We'll refer
more to how to treat Clinical Depression in another article.
Aren't these symptoms the same as grief symptoms?
Grief is not an illness but a normal life event and reaction to loss. However, the duration
of time, intensity, circumstances of the loss and the persons own ability to understand what is going on, determines how they
will handle it. Some people need to seek the help of a grief counselor immediately, a support group, web site
for education, or a physician.
Most of us understand that a limbo state will have an end. We will have an answer. Eventually,
there will also be an easing of the grief process down the road. This may though take quite a while. The intensity of symptoms
or the development of clinical depression determines the need for therapeutic intervention.
Aren't these the same symptoms as anxiety?
Anxiety can come out in many forms, including physical symptoms. Anxiety has a lot to do with
feelings of safety and fear.
Some of the symptoms are:
-
Insomnia, an inability to sleep because of worry about
the future, or fear that you'll die in your sleep
|
Some of the symptoms are conintued:
- Feeling of impending doom
The best thing to do is to check these symptoms out with your physician.
Prolonged grief can decrease your immune system and you may become ill easier. So ruling out a true physical symptom is important.
How to cope?
Limbo states do end. When you find out the answer then action of some sort can be taken.
Even if that action is preparing for the inevitable.
Depression can be helped.
By talking, re-framing things in a more positive way, taking action, relaxation techniques,
possibly using an anti-depressant medication, recognizing that this is related to the grief and understanding the grief process,
depression can be decreased.
Anxiety can be helped, also.
Talking with someone, being reassured that there is no physical cause, exercise and again medication
can ease these symptoms. At this point I'm referring primarily to
the family member of someone ill or who has died.
If it is the person who is terminally ill, then relaxation techniques, music, talking, reduction
of pain through appropriate methods, meditation, preparation for the future, understanding what is happening, support from
family and friends can all help.
Coping with your family?
If you are the one who is sick, it is important to tell your family how you feel. Talk together
with your family as early as you can about your wishes and desires. That way you can work together to remain as independent
as possible as long as you can. Know that self-pity is inevitable at some point. You may feel it or your family members
may feel it.
During the limbo stage when you are waiting, family members may be more optimistic than you
are. They may not yet be able to face the possibility or by nature not panic until word comes. They may
go the other direction and be fussing over you as if the worse news has come and it hasnt yet. Again, the more
you talk honestly about your feelings the better everyone will cope.
Eventually the limbo will end and you will know what you are facing. At that point, you
will have entered another stage.
Limbo
- In a state of worry, I wait
- Wondering what my future holds.
- I am terrified, I am afraid.
- I am scared that I won't have that chance to gracefully grow old.
- Time moves slowly in this unique state.
- And what else can I do but pray and wait.
Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist
in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical
Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but
her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet
web site for those who are grieving. |
The waiting game:
Limbo and terminal illness
by Deb Sims , MS,RNCS,LCSW |
There is a period of time of waiting that always happens when someone is about to be diagnosed or waiting the results of a test or the outcome of an intervention.
We call this being in a state of limbo. You suspect something is wrong but
you don't have any answers. You're just waiting. You are wondering is this a gain or is this a loss and how bad?
The feeling of being in limbo is itself a loss. You have no control at
that time. For some people the feeling of not knowing is the worse torture of all. During this period nothing can be done.
You can't start grieving. You can't start treatment. You can't work on preparing for the future because you have
no direction to go in.
What are the signs of being in a limbo state?
-
Experiencing a loss of concentration, interest, motivation and fatigue
Changes in appetite, sleep patterns or sexual drive
Aren't these also signs of depression?
Yes. The difference is the degree of incap-acitation and the length of time. With limbo,
eventually an answer will come. Then a direction can be chosen to go in. Movement or action eases the symptoms
because something at least is being done.
If these symptoms last beyond two weeks and are incapacitating to the point that they interfere
with daily functioning, it is time to suspect Clinical Depression. This is especially true if suicidal feelings are present
also. Then it is time to talk with a professional (a therapist or physician) about getting help for the symptoms. We'll refer
more to how to treat Clinical Depression in another article.
Aren't these symptoms the same as grief symptoms?
Grief is not an illness but a normal life event and reaction to loss. However, the duration
of time, intensity, circumstances of the loss and the persons own ability to understand what is going on, determines how they
will handle it. Some people need to seek the help of a grief counselor immediately, a support group, web site
for education, or a physician.
Most of us understand that a limbo state will have an end. We will have an answer. Eventually,
there will also be an easing of the grief process down the road. This may though take quite a while. The intensity of symptoms
or the development of clinical depression determines the need for therapeutic intervention.
Aren't these the same symptoms as anxiety?
Anxiety can come out in many forms, including physical symptoms. Anxiety has a lot to do with
feelings of safety and fear.
Some of the symptoms are:
-
Insomnia, an inability to sleep because of worry about
the future, or fear that you'll die in your sleep
|
Some of the symptoms are conintued:
- Feeling of impending doom
The best thing to do is to check these symptoms out with your physician. Prolonged grief can decrease
your immune system and you may become ill easier. So ruling out a true physical symptom is important.
How to cope?
Limbo states do end. When you find out the answer then action of some sort can be taken. Even
if that action is preparing for the inevitable.
Depression can be helped. By talking, re-framing things in a more positive
way, taking action, relaxation techniques, possibly using an anti-depressant medication, recognizing that this is related
to the grief and understanding the grief process, depression can be decreased.
Anxiety can be helped, also. Talking with someone, being reassured that there is
no physical cause, exercise and again medication can ease these symptoms.
At this point I'm referring primarily to the family member of someone ill or who has died.
If it is the person who is terminally ill, then relaxation techniques, music, talking, reduction of pain
through appropriate methods, meditation, preparation for the future, understanding what is happening, support from family
and friends can all help.
Coping with your family?
If you are the one who is sick, it is important to tell your family how you feel. Talk together with your
family as early as you can about your wishes and desires. That way you can work together to remain as independent as
possible as long as you can. Know that self-pity is inevitable at some point. You may feel it or your family members
may feel it.
During the limbo stage when you are waiting, family members may be more optimistic than you are. They
may not yet be able to face the possibility or by nature not panic until word comes. They may go the other direction
and be fussing over you as if the worse news has come and it hasnt yet. Again, the more you talk honestly about
your feelings the better everyone will cope.
Eventually the limbo will end and you will know what you are facing. At that point, you will have
entered another stage.
Limbo
- In a state of worry, I wait
- Wondering what my future holds.
- I am terrified, I am afraid.
- I am scared that I won't have that chance to gracefully grow old.
- Time moves slowly in this unique state.
- And what else can I do but pray and wait.
Debbie Sims is a Certified
Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree
in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed
Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling
but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.
|
|
